My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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