i permit you to call me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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