his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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