There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my shit smells like andre
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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