you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
