Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
