Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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