She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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