if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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