I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
