somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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