69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
