What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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