Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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