So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
