btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
