Sponge bath it is.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
