The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
