I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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