It's Friday. Sex?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I lost the right to judge tonight
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
