I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
