Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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