Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
