as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
