I wannas sexs uuuuu
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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