I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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