we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I need moral support for this bender
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
