playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
