I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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