Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
