Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
