Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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