i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
