real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
