Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
