Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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