so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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