next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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