Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
