dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
