She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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