So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
