just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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