And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
