just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
