Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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