Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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