can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
