just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just gargled with NyQuil
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
