My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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