i was born a porn star she said
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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