I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
