Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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