I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
